Post Chemo

My grandma is almost three weeks away from her most recent chemotherapy treatment. It's ironic that they call that stuff therapy because it sure ain't therapeutic.

With every day that we get further from the treatment Mamaw grows a little bit stronger and I grow a little bit more resentful. Why am I resentful? If you could see the useless, debilitating, misery that my 81 year old grandmother suffered through at the hands of chemotherapy you'd be resentful too. Especially, if you could see how good she feels now, away from the drugs that poison not just cancerous cells but so many other useful body parts.

I honestly wonder what kind of person would sentence an elderly patient to this kind of life even when there is very little hope of success. I am currently, not too fond of doctors. I don't know if you picked up on that in my nurse based Doctor, Doctor post. I know, that it is good for a doctor to encourage hope. But honestly, at what cost is this acceptable? Sometimes, isn't it better to encourage reason and then coping?

It is difficult for me to not be hard on the doctor but I know it isn't fair. I know that, ultimately, the problems that we face as a family now are not his fault. I know that seeing someone you love suffer and trying to accept that that person will soon not be in you life aren't really issues a doctor can tackle. But they're not really issues that I can tackle either.

Mamaw is a faithful and caring woman who has seen most of her siblings die before her, been witness to a myriad of technical advances throughout her life, raised five boys and seen the larger part of 20 grandchildren grown into adulthood. She is a determined, goal oriented, and a, sometimes, very particular woman. She delights in the milestones of her grandchildren and lights up with joy at the thought of weddings. You should see her look at pictures of my sister and her boyfriend. It is hard for me to think of a time I've seen more joy on any face.

I don't know how to handle the future at any time and now it seems especially daunting. I know nothing about this part of life and I find myself wishing that I didn't have to learn.

Ipanema & Head Shaving

It's been a pretty good couple of days. Mamaw, is super energetic today because she's getting some high quality, pharmacy grade, steroids to help her with the first few days of treatment side effects (also, she was healthy enough to get treatment which is very good).

She is undertaking all kinds of projects today i.e. income tax prep, laundry (so many kinds of laundry), bathroom scrubbing, birthday card and assorted items buying, head shaving. She's so jazzed it has been hard to get her to sit still for breakfast. Doesn't look like naps are in the picture for today, alas.

She seems unfazed by the fact that she has to wake up 2 hours earlier than normal to take pills (maybe because the pills make her feel like Wonder Woman). Today, my grandma is a woman of action. She's making decisions and we're doing them. It's nice to see her so empowered. It is also exhausting.

The biggest thing we did this morning was shave her head. My sweater is now powdered with little bits of silver hair. She looks good bald- every bit as hip as any Portlander could ever wish to be. I'm a little bit jealous and just want to give up my quest to grow my hair long again. We could be bald together. I would love it.

Yesterday, whilst the treatment was in session, I went on a short run with Dan to one of the restaurants on the list. Jackfruit BBQ sammie that came sweet potato fries & house salad. Then we split a Mexican chocolate pie and ginger pear pie (with delicious short bready crust) for dessert. I could have died happy after that meal. Ipanema. Check it out, if only for their brilliant dessert selection. But really, delicious vegetarian fare, good drink deals, and awesome pies.

Speaking of pies, I need to run more. Maybe before we head out on our errands I can go for a quickie. I feel like I'm always squeezing in short runs and never going on long ones. But, any run is better than no run. Hope you guys are eating well, staying in shape, and generally enjoying life as much as I am.

Tax Return

I'm getting my tax return shortly. Well, I just got my VA tax return in the mail and am waiting on my federal.

Since I first found out how much I was getting back for my tax return I started planning what I was going to do with my money. Was I going to save half of it and use the other half to buy new clothes and a new pillow? Perhaps I was going to buy a dresser, and some hangers. Maybe I was about to splurge on a membership to a rock climbing gym. All of those were ideas that I had batted around a bit. I might even want to replenish my greatly diminished earing supply with some of that tax money.

But then I realized my tax money is already pledged. I'm going on vacation to CO this year and that's where my tax return is going. It's pretty nice because it costs almost exactly the amount I'm getting back to fly to and from Colorado but I can't use any of the money for anything else. Is it too greedy to wish I was getting another $400 back from the government? Maybe but that doesn't stop me from dreaming. Oh a membership at a climbing gym... what a dream.

Still, I'm pretty psyched for some good travel and fun family time. That will be really nice. I'm actually looking forward to some of that later this month for Jon-Mike & Jackie's wedding. Yay! travels! I've been pretty homesick for the past few days and it'll be really nice to see those of you on the east coast and the east coast itself later on.

Hope you all have some fun plans in your near future. That's all for now.

oops

Ooops guys, I'm sorry. I forgot to update yesterday when I would typically update. This is largely in part to the fact that I've had some kind of unfriendly head cold and have been sleeping and drinking tea a lot instead of updating blogs, running, or even applying to jobs.

Some good news, I have a job offer at this place coolmoonicecream Some bad news, I wouldn't start for another month because they don't need me until the busier, warmer season begins. So, I'm still on the lookout during that time but if I find nothing, I do have that. Yay! yay! yay! They seem like a respectable business that will give me an opportunity to be a leader to some younger workers so that would be good experience. Other good news is, I'm working two days extra this week. Hip Hip Hurray and I am getting a good tax return this year so money should be pretty good for the next while.

Alright, I've got a phone date with a Mrs. Madeline Ogburn. I'll catch you guys on the flip side.

official papers

Lately, all of the mail I've been getting has been official. How boring.

I've received 3 of my 4 W2's. I know! Who knew I worked at so many jobs?!

And, I got my OLCC Servers permit in the mail today. That's great news as it makes me a much more marketable gal. I can now sell you booze in OR and of equal or greater importance can be hired in any position that handles alcohol.

I even snapped a picture of the contents of my wallet's front pocket thinking that it was going to be full of official things. Here it is

There are a few business cards, my food handlers card, my server's permit, a Stephanie picture and, thanks to Mamaw, a slew of cute cat pictures. So, not so much official as adorable but still.

Hope you all have been receiving much more interesting mail than I have and are having a spectacular week.